I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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