hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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