my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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