Sponge bath it is.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
