he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
