When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
