oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Say something about gay babies.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
