My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
