your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
