he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my liver is dry heaving
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
