theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
