I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
