insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
