I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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