Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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