dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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