As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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