I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
