Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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