This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
