Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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