He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need to sanitize my soul.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
