I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
