Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
