the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
