I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
