The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So much rum. So many feels.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
