Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If that was your dad, he is hot
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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