nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
