I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
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When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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