Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
