Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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