Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
