at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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