Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
