so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
