Farmville is her only friend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
