And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
