I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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