Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the day after is always just damage control
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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