I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
