just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize