Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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