does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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