I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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