evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
