Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
