hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
