i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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