The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
