TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He felt like a one man threesome
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He better not be in your backpack
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
