I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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