mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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