You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
