Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
