the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
