I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
