i was born a porn star she said
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
