she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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