BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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