just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
