like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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